Episode 02, Season 01 - Yale College Voices Transcription Anita Sharif-Hyder
Embracing Hospitality and The Impact of Interactions: A Conversation with Anita Sharif-Hyder and Podcast Host Darice Corey
00;00;03;22 - 00;00;33;10
Darice
So. Hello, everyone. Welcome to our new episode of Your College Voices. And I'm here with Anita Sharif-Hyder and I'm going to read your your bio here and then we'll get started. So welcome, Anita, and thank you for taking the time to do this today. I really appreciate it. Anita is the associate head of Trumbull College and serves as the associate secretary for the University Wide Committee on Sexual Misconduct at Yale.
00;00;33;12 - 00;01;17;11
Darice
Anita has degrees in Psychology and Counseling from Syracuse University and Towson University. She's also an international--She also has an international background and is multilingual. Anita is of Bangladeshi origin and born in Thailand. She's lived in Venezuela, Kuwait, Egypt and India during her formative years. Anita has applied her cross-cultural and counseling backgrounds in Higher Education Administration, initially at the International House of Philadelphia and Kaplan Incorporated, and then for the past 15 years at Yale University with the World Fellows Program and the Provost's Office.
00;01;17;13 - 00;01;47;00
Darice
Anita lives in Trumbull College with her husband Fahmeed Hyder, who is also the head of Trumbull College, along with her two kids here in New Haven, Connecticut. So Anita embraces hospitality and celebrates cultural traditions in service to the vibrant and diverse Trumbull College community. So thank you, Anita, for joining me today. And yeah, I'm just happy to have you here and be able to to speak with you today.
00;01;47;01 - 00;02;15;17
Darice
So I wanted to get a sense and we've met through the Emerge program, the Emerge Leadership program, and which was a wonderful program. And it was a wonderful opportunity to get to know you. Hard to believe that we've been working in the same building all these years and never crossed paths, really. And yeah, I wanted to hear a bit more about your background growing up, you know, leading into your college years.
00;02;15;19 - 00;02;18;09
Darice
And then we'll talk talk a bit more.
00;02;18;11 - 00;02;46;13
Anita
Well, thank you. And, you know, it truly is a pleasure to be in conversation with you, Darice. In terms of my background. So I'll I'll start from the present and work my way backwards. So, you know, I have been in the U.S. for 30 plus years and I came to the U.S. as an international student. You mentioned Syracuse and then for graduate school also.
00;02;46;15 - 00;03;19;09
Anita
But I'm what you would call, you know, the quintessential immigrant. And I've kind of lived that immigrant experience. I was fortunate growing up where because of my father's profession, he worked for the United Nations, so we had an opportunity to travel and live in different countries. And that certainly influenced, you know, my sense of self, my identity and my place and space in the world, so to speak.
00;03;19;12 - 00;03;50;14
Anita
I found that from an early age I had an affinity and comfort level with just being in different environments, surrounded by different, you know, cultural traditions and people with an ease that was pretty natural and maybe that indirectly informed sort of my educational and professional path. You know, I'm an outward facing person and I think I derive my energy from being around people.
00;03;50;17 - 00;04;21;10
Anita
So, you know, getting a degree in psychology just in terms of at its core, you know, relationships and interactions with people and just sort of what makes us who we are as human beings, right? And, you know, I've been in higher education administration for most of my professional career, but always kind of adjacent to academia. And I've been at Yale now for 15 years.
00;04;21;10 - 00;04;44;23
Anita
And, you know, my current role at the Provost Office within the UWC. But, you know, more recently, the role at Trumbull, which has really allowed me to sort of kind of utilize all my training, both personally and professionally in this kind of new setting.
00;04;44;25 - 00;05;20;10
Darice
Awesome. So I'm curious, you know, we spoke a while back or over the summer and, you know, you explained how your experience in college affected you in terms of how you either mentor students or help students through difficult situations. And I'm wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about your college years and how that has brought you into today?
00;05;20;15 - 00;05;57;02
Anita
Well, if I could re-do, I totally would, right? But only in my memories can I do a re-do. But, you know, when I think about my 18 year old self and obviously what I know now as well, a semi-formed adult, you know, mother of two teenagers, 17 and 19, right. So the what I reflect on is, you know, my courage and comfort when I was 18 through 22, let's say, my undergrad years.
00;05;57;04 - 00;06;28;09
Anita
Like how trusting was I--or being able to kind of seek out and ask for help or just be more forthcoming and proactive in finding resources that I would need to support my educational experience. And, you know, I didn't have the wherewithal, probably, or the comfort level or just the basic knowledge of how to kind of access different kinds of resources.
00;06;28;09 - 00;07;16;21
Anita
And obviously, in this day and age, because, you know, talking about 30 years ago, I mean, there's just so much more available at your fingertips and we are more robust as a society, right, in terms of, you know, knowing where to find things or who to ask. You know, I--you know, over the years as I went through my twenties and thirties and I was entering spaces where there was opportunity for, you know, more collaboration and and within a university context because the infrastructures there where there are--there's a place for X and there's a place for Y, and if you can't find it at X, you can go to Y and
00;07;16;21 - 00;07;58;12
Anita
then there's people or intermediaries along the way who can kind of point you in the right direction. And that kind of support structure is something that I appreciate now and I'm also mindful of, in terms of how I access different resources or how I can connect people and resources together. If I could speak to, you know, just one of the things that I intentionally bring to the work that I do, in all facets, is it takes time to establish trust.
00;07;58;19 - 00;08;29;04
Anita
And whether you have an interaction with someone for 5 minutes or in or over an extended period of time, you know, how do you nurture and cultivate that trust? And it takes a lot of effort, it takes intention, it takes authenticity, and it means, you know, just really being human and genuine in those interactions because you don't know if you will encounter this person again.
00;08;29;07 - 00;09;04;25
Anita
And so why not make those 5 minutes impactful? And hopefully when you've moved on from that interaction, there's something that lingers or stays and it can manifest, you know, down the road. But that's okay, right? So for me, you know, just establishing trust, being able to acknowledge and hear and support in a way that's genuine, I think is something I try to embody.
00;09;05;00 - 00;09;06;09
Anita
And impart.
00;09;06;11 - 00;09;35;24
Darice
That's great. And I remember when we when we spoke over the summer that, uh, you know, we talked about the first few weeks being associate head of college and, um, you know, what, what your intention would be as students arrive and, you know, they're in this new environment and, and, you know, embracing that part of the hospitality that, that you'd like to offer students.
00;09;35;27 - 00;09;43;15
Darice
So I was curious if you, if you don't mind sharing maybe some memorable experiences you've had over the last few weeks?
00;09;43;17 - 00;09;44;23
Anita
Yeah, sure. Well, we moved, it's
00;09;45;13 - 00;10;26;24
Anita
been two months, but I think, you know, I'm a voracious or raging extrovert. If you can't tell. But, you know, there's a certain kind of energy and vibrancy just being obviously, you know, right at the heart of it. Mm hmm. Of the college. And not only are you interacting with students on a daily basis, there's, you know, the staff, you know, there folks at the dining hall and then like people that you kind of have those fleeting conversations as you're passing, like in the courtyard and there's the parents and fellows and colleagues.
00;10;26;24 - 00;11;01;01
Anita
It's kind of this wonderful mash up of energy. And what's even more exciting is that I think this year we're kind of back to the before times of, like, you know, what it felt like pre-pandemic, right? Just kind of really taking the time to have as full an experience as possible. Obviously, the first year events have been lovely with the receptions and just kind of the welcome that Fahmeed and I have been able to host.
00;11;01;04 - 00;11;49;23
Anita
We've had a wonderful series of events during the month of September at the House. One notable thing that I wanted to highlight, which is memorable for me, so I do a lot of interfaith work in the community and I've been doing so for the past ten plus years between Muslim and Jewish communities. And that's something near and dear to my heart in terms of what it means to be a bridge builder, literally and figuratively and a connector and just again, with the backdrop of the world in which we live, I think these kinds of relationships and conversations and allyship is really important.
00;11;49;26 - 00;12;31;07
Anita
So for Yom Kippur, we hosted our first Yom Kippur dinner and it was a beautiful kind of evening. It was a wonderful turnout and the previous head of college and her husband, you know, co-hosted the event with us. So it was really, again, very symbolic in terms of, you know, showcasing our faith traditions. But in this setting of hospitality, breaking bread again, literally and figuratively for Yom Kippur, which was just a highlight.
00;12;31;09 - 00;12;49;25
Darice
That's awesome. A while back over the summer, we talked about how you'd like to bring parts of your culture into the Trumbull college community. And I'm wondering if you could share if you've had a chance to do that over the last couple of months or maybe in the future months. Any exciting plans?
00;12;50;01 - 00;13;25;20
Anita
Yes! So, you know, we have talked about sort of ways of introducing a lot of what we love and enjoy in kind of celebration of, you know, our new role at the college. And obviously for anyone and everyone that we encounter and, you know, our--I think at its core, our philosophy is like once you open the doors, everything is welcome.
00;13;25;20 - 00;14;08;17
Anita
And vice versa. That's something that we also want to embody and provide. So it's still the first year. So a lot of, kind of, learning and seeing what has been done in years past, or also understanding the pace and rhythm and flow of college life, knowing that there are peaks and valleys and, you know, right now being October, we're kind of in the heart of the semester and there are midterms happening, etcetera, but there are little spaces and opportunities where we can introduce a little bit of nuance in how we curate the events.
00;14;08;17 - 00;14;45;06
Anita
So obviously this kind of mash up of the Yom Kippur celebration is one example. For the future, one thing that-- I'll give you a little teaser actually, I also discovered that during the pandemic, you know, I've always loved and appreciated poetry, and that's something that is something that I go to like a quote or a small poem. I have a lot of books on poetry that sort of nourish me and give me a little uplift when I need it.
00;14;45;06 - 00;15;13;06
Anita
And it and it kind of provides a little grounding and reset as you go throughout your day and during the pandemic, because all of a sudden there were all this vast amounts of quiet time. I decided to put pen to paper and just, you know, write my own thoughts. And and and it just kind of poured out of me, surprisingly.
00;15;13;06 - 00;15;52;11
Anita
So I started to write poetry and some short stories, etcetera, and it's kind of picked up in a way where now I'm like, this is something that I want to continue to do, and I'm sure even you Darice, there's a poet within you. So knowing that, like, wouldn't it be wonderful and I think knowing that we have a group of 100 plus first years, within those hundred there are some poets and quants in the mix.
00;15;52;11 - 00;16;23;22
Anita
So why not put an open call out to just do like a very intimate Trumbull poetry jam or telebration or whatever, still have to come up with a catchy name and have an open call. And obviously first years, but upperclassmen as well, just to have kind of an open mic poetry, you know, read your own, showcase somebody that you admire.
00;16;23;25 - 00;16;52;19
Anita
So that's in the works. And we're hoping to launch that in a few weeks. And then obviously, I mean, the hope and how I envision this unfolding is if we have a couple of first years take initiative and it can continue year after year until these first years are seniors, what a wonderful thumbprint and legacy they will leave behind.
00;16;52;19 - 00;17;06;14
Anita
You know, and it can be something that is carried on from, you know, if it's a first year initiative, like it's something that will carry with them for the four years. And that's sort of what I envision.
00;17;06;14 - 00;17;07;20
Darice
I love that idea.
00;17;07;22 - 00;17;43;27
Anita
And obviously in terms of cultural celebrations in the spring, there will be occasion to celebrate Ramadan and Eve and you know, the breaking of the fast is a wonderful opportunity to break bread. You know, appreciate sort of the sacrifice that we kind of go through during the month of Ramadan. But again, over a meal and kind of reflection.
00;17;43;29 - 00;18;32;16
Anita
So we hope to have some of those events at the House, for example. And at the end of Ramadan is the big celebration of Eve. And again, everything revolves around food, which is obviously fantastic and awesome. So I think there will be a lot of food featured. And, you know, when you think about hospitality and community, like when you're seated around a table, like sharing food that is just so--it's such an effortless and natural way to share something, share in something that's mutually enjoyed, right?
00;18;32;19 - 00;18;45;24
Darice
Oh, that's awesome. I love the idea of of the poetry night. And, you know, even in my mind, I started thinking, Wow, wouldn't it be great to publish, you know, have something published each year from, you know, the students.
00;18;45;26 - 00;19;12;24
Anita
You know, that it's funny you say that because that also would be a wonderful sort of byproduct. Like, why not at the culmination of each year's kind of poetry--And it could be once a semester or just once a year however it unfolds, like a mini publication. And so that's--I'm noodling with that idea as well.
00;19;12;26 - 00;19;16;13
Darice
That's great. I love that idea.
00;19;16;16 - 00;19;27;05
Anita
And wouldn't it be nice? Let's take it a step further. Like amongst our kind of orbits of people. Colleagues, I know you interviewed Daisy, who's a poet.
00;19;27;08 - 00;19;28;18
Darice
Yes, exactly. I was about to--
00;19;28;18 - 00;19;50;00
Anita
Well, yeah. So why not have an open call and see, because we know there are writers and the like, informal, amateur, not trained, but just as kind of like almost a hobby. Wouldn't it be wonderful just to have an evening where we just share in spoken word?
00;19;50;00 - 00;19;52;09
Darice
Absolutely. Yes, I'm in.
00;19;52;11 - 00;19;54;02
Anita
All right. Start writing.
00;19;54;02 - 00;19;57;11
Darice
I love that idea. I don't know if I could be the writer, but.
00;19;57;13 - 00;20;01;10
Anita
You could be the curator.
00;20;01;10 - 00;20;02;11
Darice
I could be the curator. Yes. I'll help you with the text.
00;20;02;11 - 00;20;04;03
Anita
Please!
00;20;04;04 - 00;20;45;06
Darice
All right. But yeah, I do love that idea, because, like you said, it can bring bring people together in a different way, you know, outside of the, you know, the meetings and the actual work that we do, but also, you know, our interests. And you, after having a conversation with with you over the summer and Daisy as well, and Daisy and I recorded an episode yesterday and it's nice to get to know people outside of a project, you know, outside of the actual work that we do,
00;20;45;06 - 00;21;10;08
Darice
but just getting to know people and talking to people, which I feel like after the pandemic is, is kind of still missing in terms of our offices because our you know, a lot of folks are working remotely or hybrid. So there you know, we're sort of missing each other in the elevator. We don't get to see each other as often except through Zoom meetings.
00;21;10;08 - 00;21;35;26
Darice
And it takes away that, you know, that personal interaction. You know, I was just thinking the other day how and I don't know, maybe they could bring this back in some shape or form, but years ago when we had holiday parties in the dean's office, we you know, we did the gift exchange and and some of it was, you know, it was it was fun.
00;21;35;26 - 00;21;52;29
Darice
You know, it was actually fun just to see everyone and, you know, gather for an hour or so. And we still have the holiday party now. But I think the the the gift exchange, because they were funny gifts, you know, some of them were, you know.
00;21;53;01 - 00;21;56;04
Anita
Is it like the white elephant?
00;21;56;06 - 00;22;02;16
Darice
Yes. And there's and guess what? I'm the one that got stuck with the ugly bowl. There was an ugly bowl that kept getting exchanged.
00;22;02;18 - 00;22;03;29
Anita
Yes.
00;22;04;01 - 00;22;19;26
Darice
And I have this ugly bowl sitting under my desk right now that, you know, now I we haven't had we haven't had a party like that in a long time, but I have to get rid of it. Yeah, I have to get rid of the bowl somehow. But no, I, it was fun. You know, I think it was fun.
00;22;19;26 - 00;22;24;26
Darice
And, you know, for staff who were brand new.
00;22;24;28 - 00;22;26;18
Anita
During the pandemic when they started.
00;22;26;18 - 00;22;57;25
Darice
Yeah. And and, you know, a lot of folks are shy. I think in some ways it at least gave people an opportunity to just see each other in a different, you know, away from work, you know, and let's just celebrate together and yeah. So, yeah, I love the idea of having, you know, a poetry night or, you know, something that gathers staff outside of the actual day to day stuff that we do.
00;22;57;27 - 00;23;39;19
Darice
So I was, I was curious about, you know, I know that you are a huge supporter of DEIB and our advisory committee. I wanted to get a sense for you know, your thoughts on well, what should we sort of tackle first? You know what, in your mind, what do you--what are important initiatives from your perspective and in a year from now, what would you love to see the committee to have accomplished by then?
00;23;39;24 - 00;24;20;17
Anita
Mm hmm. So I serve on the subcommittee within the Provost's office, the DEIB Subcommittee. So I'm now on year three and to your point about sort of how we are as staff and colleagues at all different levels, trying to navigate a hybrid workplace and, you know, things kind of get lost in a Zoom context. And yes, you can have like the initial chit chat before everybody hops on to the Zoom meeting.
00;24;20;20 - 00;24;49;23
Anita
And even when we're in person, there's also a sense of, okay, well, we are in the office. We have to kind of be efficient and productive and, you know, make all of our meetings and still have time for like the face to face interaction. So, you know, these are kind of kind of complementary demands that we have to maintain on screen and hybrid and then also in person.
00;24;49;26 - 00;25;31;06
Anita
So what does it mean to really, you know, bring intention to every interaction, whether it's on Zoom, whether it's in person, and we don't really have, kind of, the time. And you know what I am also very mindful of is those fleeting interactions, and I spoke to this earlier, it's that if I have 2 minutes with you, whether on Zoom or in person, how can I make that exchange meaningful?
00;25;31;08 - 00;26;17;24
Anita
And it speaks to going a few layers deep like that question, how are you or how are you really? And for somebody that you're meeting the first time, yes, there's some kind of pleasantries and exchange, but if I can bring to that conversation something that might not be focused on like the task or project at hand, like, oh, so where are you headed to after or how was your right in this morning or something a little bit two dimensional in the conversation that can open up so many possibilities, right?
00;26;17;27 - 00;26;54;03
Anita
So in in the DEIB world, you know, obviously we are kind of looking around more broadly as to who's at the table, who's being invited to the table, how are authentic and true conversations being had. And even when that is encouraged, is that being received and welcomed in the way that the commitment or initiative behind it is actually measured or invited, right?
00;26;54;03 - 00;27;34;26
Anita
So I really--I'm trying to find the right words to kind of describe the sentiment. But it's really being authentic and true. And there might be a lot of sort of training and initiatives on, you know, DEIB initiatives. But action is what counts, right? Embodiment is what counts, who are the people who are delivering certain kinds of messages?
00;27;34;28 - 00;28;14;16
Anita
What is our responsibility as a collective in this deep work to notice what voices or, you know, what opportunities are not being, kind of, granted or presented. And when you really take the time and you invest the time to provide these kinds of opportunities for sometimes, you know, difficult conversations with the goal in mind that this is for the greater good.
00;28;14;18 - 00;28;26;02
Anita
You know, that way you and I can show up the way we know we want to or can. And there's that trust that's been built, if that makes sense.
00;28;26;02 - 00;29;23;11
Darice
Yeah. So really and I think, you know, coming out of, you know, this is our first year, our first--I don't want to say official year, but, you know, now that we've shared the results of our survey and, you know, that allowed us to take sort of a snapshot of the current climate and figure out, you know, what our next you know, what are our initiatives for the coming year and get gaining trust from, you know, folks who would like to be involved or folks that maybe are still unsure, you know, not sure how they feel about the, you know, the committee or some of the initiatives that that we mentioned during the
00;29;23;11 - 00;29;53;07
Darice
meeting. And yeah, I think the first part, like you said, is transparency and also gaining trust, but also being welcoming to, you know, Daisy and I talked about this yesterday. If you'd like to join a meeting to, you know, join our meeting and hear about what we're working on and if and that could be the first of many or maybe just the only meeting you attend.
00;29;53;09 - 00;29;55;29
Darice
And and that's okay. You know, it's okay.
00;29;56;03 - 00;30;03;24
Anita
Exactly. Like and if you set the tone of--like it's an open call. The invitation is always there.
00;30;03;24 - 00;30;04;25
Darice
Exactly.
00;30;04;27 - 00;30;44;08
Anita
Come as you want. Come as you will. And whether you are there just to listen, absorb, that's okay, too. And if you're there to, you know, impart and encourage and contribute, yes. You know, so--just show up is kind of--Because you and I know this is a constant refrain that I also have, and I use it both personally and professionally and most especially as a parent, I'd rather you ask than not ask, because if you don't, you will never know.
00;30;44;10 - 00;31;12;29
Anita
And you know there's no harm in asking because regardless of the answer, at least there's something on the other side that you can kind of whatever outcome there is, you can move on accordingly. So the not asking or the kind of not being sure if--am I invited, can I go? If you don't raise your hand and say, oh, may I?
00;31;13;05 - 00;31;48;03
Anita
Right. I mean, there's also a way of asking. It's not like--you can't just insert yourself, but there's a, you know, tact and diplomacy, but also kind of ownership and right to ask permission because you may not always be welcome in certain spaces, but at least you've, you know, checked on your account. Okay, maybe I shouldn't go to this thing, but maybe that thing might be a better opportunity.
00;31;48;03 - 00;31;49;08
Anita
But you have to ask.
00;31;49;08 - 00;32;31;03
Darice
You have to ask and, you know, this came up yesterday during my conversation with Daisy in terms of college experiences and what we experience as being one of very few people of color on campus. And when I say on campus, I really mean on campus. One of very many few, in my experience, and having difficulty asking questions because, you know, I was very introverted and shy and didn't really know who to go to.
00;32;31;05 - 00;33;00;08
Darice
And so, you know, I'm just imagining students now coming here to Yale and if, you know, if you're introverted and shy, how how how do we as a staff help those individuals? Because they are always going to be the individuals who have no problem, you know, have no problem speaking up or have no problem asking questions. And that's great.
00;33;00;08 - 00;33;27;16
Darice
You know, that's great that they that they have that drive. But, you know, for the students who don't have that and are unsure, you know, and Daisy and I talked about how she grew up in kind of a community. So it was her immediate family, but also her extended family. And they took care of each other and but not, you know.
00;33;27;24 - 00;33;28;16
Anita
Not everybody--
00;33;28;16 - 00;33;51;08
Darice
Not everyone has that. So that, so you don't you know, you feel isolated. You know, if you if you don't have that around you. And I guess so. So my point is, yeah, like you said, speaking up or learning how to speak up, but also from the other side, helping people and giving them a platform to feel comfortable enough.
00;33;51;10 - 00;33;59;06
Darice
Like like we talked about in Emerge, we talked about psychological safety and, you know, feeling comfortable enough to be able to--
00;33;59;11 - 00;34;00;02
Anita
Right.
00;34;00;05 - 00;34;09;25
Darice
Feel that it's a safe a safe space to to be able to ask questions, you know, even if they're uncomfortable questions for you.
00;34;09;27 - 00;34;43;24
Anita
So I have, you know, something to add to that. And I really appreciate sort of, you've provided this in context because, yes, there are the extroverts, but there are also the introverts or and again, when you're kind of casting the wide net and scanning the room, you know, who is who are the people who are more comfortable or proficient or, you know, speaking their mind versus the ones who are quietly observing.
00;34;43;24 - 00;35;21;18
Anita
And maybe after the fact may come up to you and say, you know, what you said was great, or, you know, I was thinking the same thing. So, you know, for those people or for those kind of folks who are kind of watchful and waiting, you know, all the more reason for them to be in those spaces, because eventually, you know, the opportunity will come for them to, you know, share and speak up because the safe space has been created because the invitation has been offered.
00;35;21;18 - 00;35;50;26
Anita
Right. Right. Whereas maybe before they were hesitant or didn't ask, you know, can I come or may I just come in? And so and it takes different iterations, too, and people's degree of comfort as to how they emerge, no pun intended, differs. And that requires some patience and, you know, an acknowledgment that it's okay. You show up as, you know, how you want.
00;35;50;28 - 00;36;02;15
Anita
There's no expectation. But by you being in that space, you're adding value. Right. Exactly right. Yeah. So and back to our 18 year old selves.
00;36;02;15 - 00;36;04;20
Darice
Yes.
00;36;04;22 - 00;36;41;12
Anita
You know, when I came to college, I was an international student. You know, at the time, you know, we were living in Egypt. And, you know, my parents put me on a plane and I arrived with my two suitcases. And, you know, we came from the desert to the tundra. So like, culturally or just adjusting to the weather, I mean, all of that happened even though I was able to acculturate pretty quickly, but so much so that I just sort of conformed and went with the flow, didn't ask questions, didn't know who to ask.
00;36;41;14 - 00;37;23;01
Anita
I just sort of followed what was done around me. Right, Because that was easy. And, you know, I kept parts of myself maybe muted and, you know, over time and experience, obviously you realize that, you know, the only person that maybe suffered from this experience was yourself. MM. Right. Like, really? And if I could redo, I was like, if I had the kind of, you know, confidence and proficiency that I have now as a 21 year old, God, I would have been like, amazing.
00;37;23;01 - 00;38;07;25
Anita
Exactly. I am amazing.
Darice
You are amazing.
Anita
You know, just tongue in cheek. Totally. But I like, all those sort of, like, possibilities or opportunities that I may have missed because I held myself back or I quieted myself or I just I was too cautious, too hesitant. And frankly, you know, as a woman of color, you know, there are all these other sort of, kind of expectations and obligations that I felt I needed to abide by, which now as an adult, I'm like, well, maybe not so much.
00;38;07;25 - 00;38;53;22
Anita
Right? And that's actually a regret that I have. So now in terms of my conversations with students and people that I work with, people that I mentor, I've served through the Working Women's Network as a mentor to a couple of younger kind of emerging staff. So, you know, that's sort of some of the pearls of kind of, you know, experience that I try to impart is that, you know, use the opportunities and access that you have now to open the doors wider.
00;38;53;27 - 00;39;11;14
Anita
You know, I necessarily you know, I access those doors much later. But you have it now, right? Right. And so what does that mean to really take advantage of the opportunities that come your way? And because you won't know until you try or until you ask.
00;39;11;17 - 00;39;32;05
Darice
That's great. Yeah, I agree. I have same same regrets. You know, I didn't ask questions or, you know, there were times I made assumptions that, oh, yeah, you know, maybe I can't be part of this for whatever reason, whether--
00;39;32;05 - 00;40;00;12
Anita
We self-selected or we kind of self-censored just because, again, you know, what our experience was 30 plus years ago. I mean, the world is so much more different. And thankfully, yes, you know, we are still able to to reflect on what we did in the past. And it kind of has informed how we are operating now.
00;40;00;12 - 00;40;00;28
Darice
Absolutely.
00;40;00;28 - 00;40;47;11
Anita
And, you know, testament to us being in the Emerge program and having a little kind of access and subset of I think, you know, through our Emerge colleagues, maybe we had some similar lived experiences, right as we were moving through our professional lives. And you know, what a perfect time for us, I think, to be acknowledged and be appreciated, but also know that we provide value and can contribute significantly. Even if it's on a one on one basis or like two or three people on either side of us.
00;40;47;14 - 00;40;53;14
Anita
That in and of itself I think is enough because the ripple effects will continue.
00;40;53;15 - 00;41;13;23
Darice
Yes, definitely. So I'm curious for you, and I can share, during Emerge, do you feel that there was sort of a pivotal moment, you know, as we, you know, and I'm saying you know a lot.
00;41;13;25 - 00;41;16;26
Anita
That's an inside joke.
00;41;16;29 - 00;41;17;27
Darice
That's an inside joke.
00;41;17;27 - 00;41;25;15
Anita
We we'll calibrate our ums likes and you knows after this. We're having a beautiful conversation.
00;41;25;15 - 00;42;13;14
Darice
I enjoy the natural flow of conversation, but so during Emerge as we went through, we did the readings. We had lots of presentations, lots of exercises and interactions with with our cohort, our cohort as well as the previous cohort speakers and so on. And I'm curious if there is sort of a pivotal moment, as you know, as you're sitting there listening to all of these things, and I'm not sure if it happened for you, but where there's a moment where it just all sort of clicks and you start thinking, Yeah, why?
00;42;13;16 - 00;42;24;12
Darice
Why do I hold myself back? Or why, you know, why am I doing these things and it's time to stop you. Yeah. That, you know. Did you have one of those moments?
00;42;24;15 - 00;43;08;14
Anita
Well I think what was the most like the natural kind of progression of the experience because obviously hearing from, you know, various different Yale leaders and actually going behind the curtain to see how the--what's the metaphor sausage is made. Exactly right. Mix my metaphors I don't know--but you know like for everything from like the financial aspects of this university to some of the kind of the strategic long term and short term planning, like all of that was actually very fascinating and affirming.
00;43;08;14 - 00;43;35;11
Anita
I'm like, you know, I'm part of something that, you know, there is, you know, even though the messaging or the optics publicly might present a certain way, there is a lot of thought behind it. And there are people who are giving this work a lot of thought--careful thought. And so that I found, you know, very comforting.
00;43;35;11 - 00;44;10;11
Anita
And obviously I take pride in, you know, being part of this institution and, you know, my contributions and support of during my time here. But the sessions with Heidi Brooks, obviously, she was at the beginning, at the end. And those were nice bookends because, you know, it spoke to sort of identity and DEIB, like if we look across the room like, why are we here?
00;44;10;14 - 00;44;28;01
Anita
And I think that kind of clicked a way that we do belong and we can contribute and the exercise she had us do where we had to write. Do you remember what it was?
00;44;28;04 - 00;44;34;18
Darice
I'm trying to remember the prompt. We had to write.
00;44;34;21 - 00;44;46;15
Anita
Like just something about our experience or a reflection because she had written, she read a piece of hers about, oh, like where she came from, like, you know.
00;44;46;18 - 00;44;48;07
Darice
And that's--that stood out to me.
00;44;48;13 - 00;45;28;04
Anita
Exactly like we might have all, you know, what does pedigree mean? Yes. And that again, I've been thinking about a lot and I remember the piece that I decided to read and this will be maybe a poem someday, is who has access to access? And the you know, how is access given? How is access shared and how is access selective?
00;45;28;07 - 00;46;05;24
Anita
And and I think that was sort of like the aha moment because we were at the end of our program and you know there are certain benchmarks and expectations that we have individually and then as a group as we're moving on and that stood out to me as something to really carefully think about. And you know, my role and sort of speak to being a bridge builder and a connector that requires access.
00;46;05;26 - 00;46;41;23
Anita
So how can I, you know, create these kinds of spaces for all the people that I interact with and interface with meaningfully? So that, again, as we scan the room and we're thinking about which, you know, which voices might be quiet or muted, providing that access so that eventually those voices can be heard more louder and clearer--clearer.
00;46;41;25 - 00;46;42;28
Anita
Thank you.
00;46;43;00 - 00;47;16;23
Darice
Awesome, yeah, that's excellent. I had a similar moment where I felt like, you know, like you said, it was a moment of belonging, feeling that sense of belonging, but also figuring out--what do I have to offer someone else to, you know, like you said, to be like, a conduit to something greater.
00;47;17;00 - 00;47;23;20
Darice
And it also and I'm trying to remember what that prompt was, but
00;47;23;20 - 00;47;24;19
Anita
I know it's bothering-- have to go back and look at my notebook.
00;47;24;19 - 00;47;48;14
Darice
But I do remember that as I was writing in, I can't remember if it was one of, one of our other cohort members who who just mentioned would their parents or their, you know, their ancestors ever imagine that their descendant would be in this position?
00;47;48;18 - 00;47;50;25
Anita
Mm hmm.
00;47;50;28 - 00;48;20;05
Darice
Working at Yale, you know, and doing what we do. And that really struck me for, for myself because, yeah, I, my, my parents grew up in the South, and, you know, they did farm work and, you know, would my ancestors ever imagine that I could be sitting here today talking to you and that I work in IT and do all these things?
00;48;20;05 - 00;49;09;21
Darice
Yeah, that really struck me because it's like, yeah, that's--it's a pretty amazing thought. And how do I contribute? You know, how do I become a vehicle for someone else to do this and more. And you know, and I can go on all day about how I've been trying to be more mindful about that and what I do and what I, you know, whatever I have in my power to accomplish right now, you know, participating in New Haven Promise and doing all of these other things and yeah, that was a moment for me because I felt like, wow, you know, I wish I had access to a lot of these things when when I was younger, but I didn't. But here I am, you know, here I am.
00;49;15;07 - 00;49;22;05
Anita
But like, and now--now you do. And so what does it mean to, you know, open that door.
00;49;22;05 - 00;49;23;18
Darice
Open that door for someone else.
00;49;23;18 - 00;49;55;19
Anita
For someone else. And, you know, that translates to sort of when I think about, you know, my role at Trumbull College. Right. You know, I think we're the first South Asian and Muslim heads of a college at Yale. Yeah. And, you know, that comes with great responsibility. It's also very humbling because, you know, being the first X--I mean, that shouldn't be the qualifier, right?
00;49;55;20 - 00;50;28;05
Anita
You know, it should be, you know, through merit or whatever. Like whatever the access has been, you know, has been a journey. Right. So what does this responsibility mean? What does it mean to sort of embody who we are, our true selves in a in a really open and inclusive way and, you know, I think about that in my role as an ambassador of sorts.
00;50;28;07 - 00;50;34;20
Anita
Spokesperson a mentor, a guide, a teacher. I mean, all I'm trying to think of all the fun.
00;50;34;20 - 00;50;35;20
Darice
All the ads, right?
00;50;35;20 - 00;51;14;20
Anita
Yeah, exactly. And this all speaks to, you know, our our time is temporary and transitional because we have people who will follow. Right. And, you know, maybe the immigrant kind of mentality in me is like, whatever I've worked hard to achieve has been through my own kind of toil. I mean, it wasn't necessarily handed to me, even though I had access, you know, through my upbringing.
00;51;14;22 - 00;51;51;13
Anita
And I had a lot of blessings through and opportunities thanks to, you know, my parents having certain access, right? But at the end of the day, you know, all all of that is taken with humility because these are fleeting and you have to sort of remember and appreciate what it took to get here. And I have tremendous appreciation and gratitude for my ancestors.
00;51;51;15 - 00;52;22;12
Anita
Would they have imagined that I'd be here, you know, talking to you? And when I think about, you know, my husband and the role that he's in, like-- So it's a lot of sort of I mean, if that isn't humbling, then I don't know what is, right? And it's with tremendous humility and appreciation and responsibility that we take on this role.
00;52;23;18 - 00;52;27;26
Darice
That's amazing. And, ah--
00;52;27;26 - 00;52;28;23
Anita
Do you have all the feels, Darice?
00;52;28;25 - 00;52;53;02
Darice
Yeah, I've got all the feels. And, you know, I told Daisy yesterday, it's like my my brain goes off in twenty directions. Oh, wouldn't this be great. Wouldn't that be-- I have to get better at writing down my ideas. That's something I did learn in Emerge. You know, you have those moments like I'll have moments and and I have to get better at capturing those things.
00;52;53;02 - 00;53;26;07
Darice
But that's a whole other conversation. So we're almost at the end of our time. And, you know, there are two big things that I think came up today, which is access and responsibility. And I'm wondering if you have anything that you'd like to close with along those lines. In terms of our responsibility and when I think of responsibility, I think of responsibility to ourselves.
00;53;26;10 - 00;53;47;15
Darice
But, you know, it's almost like multiple circles, right? Responsibility to ourselves, responsibility to our sort of inner circle and then responsibility to our community. And then, like you said, access. And what do we do with access and access to access, Right?
00;53;47;17 - 00;53;51;27
Anita
And that's gonna be my memoir, by the way.
00;53;51;29 - 00;53;57;27
Darice
And so I'd love to hear if you have some closing thoughts on those two things.
00;53;57;29 - 00;54;42;19
Anita
That's such a beautiful way to kind of summarize our conversation because, you know, one of the opportunities I had during the pandemic was to immerse myself in the training and teaching and learning and certification of restorative justice practices because it informs the work that I do. At the UWC, but just personally as well. And one of the founding fathers of the work, Howard Sayre, has, you know, he's he's obviously written a lot, but he has these kind of mantras of ten ways to live restorativly.
00;54;42;19 - 00;54;43;09
Darice
Oh, yes.
00;54;43;09 - 00;55;15;19
Anita
And it speaks to a lot of the themes that we've covered today. And I wanted to--he has ten ways, but I wanted to highlight four. Okay? So ten ways to live restoratively, okay? Take relationship seriously. Envisioning yourself in an interconnected web of people, institutions and the environment. Involve those affected by a decision as much as possible in the decision making process.
00;55;15;22 - 00;55;52;13
Anita
Listen deeply and compassionately to others seeking to understand, even if you don't agree with them, think about who you want to be in the latter situation rather than just being right. Engage in dialog with others, even when what is being said is difficult, remaining open to learning from them and the encounter. And finally, sensitively confront everyday injustices including sexism, racism and classism.
00;55;52;16 - 00;56;30;13
Anita
So these are just a couple. I mean he ten total, but I guess I have one more because this one just popped out at me. I should have just read the whole list because they're just so beautiful. So this will be like the my closing kind of z-- kind of teaching that I'll read. Okay. Treat everyone respectfully, even those you don't expect to encounter again, even those you feel don't deserve it.
00;56;30;15 - 00;56;57;03
Anita
Even those who have harmed or offended you or others. So again, grace, compassion, dignity, respect. Be true to yourself. Continue, you know, on your path forward. And if somebody isn't kind of with you yet or may be hesitant, that's on them, not you.
00;56;57;05 - 00;57;11;14
Darice
So that's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. And yeah, I think it speaks volumes to who you are and what I've experienced with you. And from the--literally the day I met you.
00;57;11;14 - 00;57;14;14
Anita
It was love at first sight!
00;57;14;14 - 00;57;47;09
Darice
Love at first sight! It was! You know, it makes such a huge difference when you--like you said, when you encounter someone, even if it's going to be for a couple minutes or, you know, for us it was several months, but that first 10 seconds can make such an impact on someone. Whether, you know, I'm always conscious of smiling at someone if I'm passing, passing through or if I meet you for the first time.
00;57;47;12 - 00;58;16;15
Darice
I try to be conscious of those moments because it can either lead, like you said, the recipient can do what they will with it. But sometimes it can make such a difference with someone. And yeah, and like I said, all of that kind of I see it in you because that is how you, you know, how you were the day I first met you.
00;58;16;19 - 00;58;43;20
Darice
Yeah, it was just a very warm I didn't know you, but it was like, Wow, I feel like I know you because, you know, it was just that immediate hospitality and that immediate warm interaction and leading to me. Okay, I want to know more. I would love to get to know this person and and yeah, it just really appreciate that and I and I feel it has a ripple effect.
00;58;43;20 - 00;58;53;02
Darice
You know, I think it absolutely, like I said, could be a few seconds to you know if you interact with someone regularly.
00;58;53;02 - 00;59;27;24
Anita
I firmly believe that you're supposed to meet the people you do at certain moments in your life. And there's a reason. Yeah. So the fact that met when we did at this juncture of our lives, there is a rhyme and a reason for it, and it will continue to show up in these kinds of, you know, partnerships and collaborations and, you know, how lucky are we?
00;59;27;26 - 00;59;30;15
Anita
Right? So what a blessing that is. So thank you.
00;59;30;15 - 00;59;32;09
Darice
Thank you.
00;59;32;12 - 00;59;36;21
Anita
No thank you. Let just keep it going, thank you--
00;59;36;24 - 00;59;51;11
Darice
But now truly again, we're at our time. But, but thank you so much, Anita. I really, truly appreciate that you've taken the time to chat with me and just your support. You know, you've been very supportive.
00;59;51;12 - 00;59;53;14
Anita
I'm your number one fan.
00;59;53;16 - 00;59;56;03
Darice
I appreciate that. Share it with your friends.
00;59;56;05 - 00;59;57;04
Anita
Yes.
00;59;57;07 - 01;00;19;08
Darice
Please share the link. And as you know, we're going to post the podcast on Spotify. We have all of our social media set up, so we have our Instagram, Yale College Voices And yeah, I'm just really excited to see what impact it may have. And like I said, if it's just one person.
01;00;19;08 - 01;00;22;04
Anita
If it's a hey, for the one person that's listening.
01;00;22;07 - 01;00;23;19
Darice
The one person.
01;00;23;22 - 01;00;25;01
Anita
Thank you for listening.
01;00;25;02 - 01;00;56;07
Darice
Exactly. You know, I yeah, I think it's so important we pass lots of folks all day, every day. Right? But you don't know the story behind that person until you take the time to get to know them. And, you know, I just hope that in the hour that we spend together, that if it has that impact on that one person, that then, you know, the podcast is a success to me.
01;00;56;09 - 01;01;04;22
Darice
So thank you so much, Anita. And yes, thank you for your support. And again, it was just lovely speaking with you today.
01;01;04;22 - 01;01;06;10
Anita
My pleasure. Thank you.
01;01;06;10 - 01;01;07;02
Darice
Awesome, thank you.